Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
