If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
