shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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