is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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