this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
