I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
