I can tuck mytits in my pants
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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