***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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