You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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