My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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