Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
