as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
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i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
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Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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