so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
