turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
