My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
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