mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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