I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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