it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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