He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
