I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
