Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
