So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
