There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
