well I can't set my house on fire every night
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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