Need sex. Gaining weight.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
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His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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