In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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