After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
