Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I came so hard my ears popped.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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