he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
