have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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