Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
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Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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