My liver just broke up with me...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
There are leaves in my underwear?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize