I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We are all done wearing pants today
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
