and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
