I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
