Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
