Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
