I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
25 Facts Men Donâ€™t Know About Women Until They Live Together
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.