I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry