Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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