The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
