Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
