i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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