your room smells of hookers.
And success
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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