Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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