There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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