Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
