Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
are you so shy because you have an std?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
