The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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