she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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