I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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