I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
