I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
