its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
