i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize