is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
