i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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