Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
