if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
